Douglas L Perry, The Author blog

May 25, 2010

Picked up at Starbucks

Filed under: Stories,Thoughts — douglaslperry @ 7:53 pm
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I’ve decided that people don’t just go to Starbucks to get coffee, it’s also a meat market.

My wife was attending classes to which I drove her, and I tried to work in the hotel. Unfortunately the hotel internet has the same IP numbering scheme as my current consulting client, so I could not connect to my machine through the VPN. It was hugely annoying, but with no solution I had to wander off to the local Starbucks to get hooked up…. to the internet.

Unfortunately for some reason a couple of ladies decided that they wanted to get hooked up… to me. It’s not like I am a dashing gigolo or something, I think it was more that they were desperate. That’s the only reason that I can think of. I have a big wedding ring in the right spot and wasn’t soliciting their attention.

I guess next time I have to work at Starbucks I’m going to have to ditch the work clothes, not shave, and forgo the shower. That should keep them away.

May 14, 2010

My Friend Got Owned

Filed under: Stories — douglaslperry @ 5:10 am
Tags: , , ,

This is a story sent to me from my friend Marci, who is a fellow motorcyclist. I thought it was funny enough to let you have a read as well.

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Hello All.  It’s been a while! Thought I would give you an update.

As most of you know, I am back in school to start my next career.  I chose Medical Assisting at Everest College for a few reasons.  A) With all of the medical crap I have been through in the last 10 years, it should come easy to me. B) If I can get into an office with a hot up-coming Plastic Surgeon, I might be able to get some work done J (kidding…sort of) C) But most of all, I just want to help people when they are sick, to try to feel better.

Today was Orientation and class begins tomorrow.  And with that, comes fear and insecurity such as; 1) Will I be the oldest there?  2)  Will I do okay or will it be hard for me to ask for help and so on.

So, for the past two weeks, I have been trying to convince myself that A) It’s cool if I am the only Sr. Citizen in the class…I ride a motorcycle.  B) It’s cool if I need to ask others for help…I ride a motorcycle, and C) It’s cool if I look like a fat cow in scrubs, because I wear tight black leathers and ride a motorcycle.  The cool factor SURELY outweighs the insecurities right?

As I sat through Orientation watching the Staff of morons trying to get each of us to clap our hands and sing the gay “Everest College” song, it was time to introduce ourselves.  Damn, I hate this part BUT…I ride a motorcycle!  It’s my turn:   “My name is Marci. I am married with 3 boys and my hobby/passion is riding motorcycles.”  I was so damn proud of myself and could feel the “cool factor” emanating through the room!!  I did it!!!!

The smile on my face went to an immediate frown when I heard a voice say “You ride? I ride too.  What kind of bike do you have?” As I glanced over to see who was speaking to me, I saw it was the most gorgeous twenty-ish, long dark brown hair, perfect teeth, size 0 chick, sitting at the table across from me. I replied “I have a Gixxer!” thinking SURELY I am still as cool as ever.

Then I heard it.  The sentence to beat all sentences.  Cool against Cool…”I ride a brand new Street Triple! (aka Chuck Norris because this bike is THE BADASS of motorcycles right now.  It draws crowds wherever it is on display).  “How long have you been riding?” she asked.  Thinking I could save myself and my cool factor, I replied “Probably longer than you have been alive”.  (It’s not really a lie if I include time spent on the back of a bike with each boyfriend right?  Ok, ok, I lied through my teeth. Geez tough crowd!!!)  So she says “I have been riding for 14 years. I have a lot of dirt-bike racing under my belt as well.   I am surprised I have never seen you at T-Hill or Laguna for track days.  We should go riding together!”  Oh yeah…like I would EVEN take a chance riding with her so she can wipe the asphalt with my ass.  I had nothing after that….all I could do was smile sweetly.  To make it even worse, her name is Dina ands she is from San Leandro. Dina?  Dina is a name for The Real Housewives of Silicon Valley.

And so…I was OWNED!  It’s going to be a LONG 8 month program (jus sayin).

Well, it’s2am and I can’t fall asleep. I’m going to try again.  Must be jitters for my first day! LOL

Love,

Marci

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Don’t worry Marci, you’ll do fine.

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