Douglas L Perry, The Author blog

June 3, 2010

Airline Annoyance

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 11:44 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Is it just me? or are airlines bugging the heck out of you on every flight these days?

I just came back from a visit to my brother and I don’t think I’ve ever been as annoyed by constant stupid airline announcements. It wasn’t just that there seemed to be way more of them, it was also the tone.

It’s gotten to the point where the flight attendants treat you as if you were still in second grade.

“Put your bag under the seat.” she glares down at you  “No, push it in farther.” she says in a tone that implies if you don’t, you’re going to the principals office.

“All electronics need to be turned off, right now. That means iPods, laptops, cellphones, headphones, anything with an on and off switch.”

Well Duh, I think I know what constitutes an electronic device, though I’m not believing the whole “it’s to prevent electronic interference” thing. The amount of power that a dinky little ipod generates is so minimal that even if everyone on the plane has one going, it’s not going to affect the flight instruments. Otherwise, why would they let you turn them on once at altitude. They just want to have control over you so that they can “have your complete and undivided attention” while they drill the safety information that you’ve already seen nine million times.

I know they have to do this because some dipshit lawyer probably sued the airlines years ago for not fully briefing some passenger on the safety aspects of the airplane, the idiot got hurt because they did something stupid, and here we are, suffering through the monotonous drone.

I have a solution. I think that before you get on the airplane, and you are checking in on one of those little computer terminals, they should show you the safety features of the plane on the screen. If you hit the OK button that you get it, voila, they let you on the plane. If you don’t, you get to keep going until you do. If you can’t answer the questions right, then you don’t get on the plane. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than the current system where the flight attendants have no clue if you understand or not. Their only indication is if they don’t think you look like you’re listening, they walk over, and glare down at you with stink eye until you smile up at them like a school kid. But I’m sure, that given the current environment, that system would somehow be viewed as discriminatory against stupid people or something.

But just think, once you’ve answered the safety briefing correctly a few times in the last few months, they don’t show it to you the next time. You already know it. You’re good to go. Those that fly a lot, never have to sit through it again.

But no, instead, once the flight attendants finally get through their drill, and give you three more warnings that electronics need to be off, then it’s on to discussing your seat back, then your tray table, then how you need to be paying attention to them, then you have to read the safety information card, and after all of that, the captain comes on and starts talking.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to hear the captain talk, as long as if it sounds like he knows what he’s doing, but if he’s not quite sure where we are going, maybe I wanna be on a different flight.

See the problem is, what I really want to do, is forget about the fact that I’m on an airline flight. It’s such a pain in the butt to get through the traffic, park the car, suffer through rude ticketing agents and annoying TSA people who seem to look at you as if you were a microbe under a giant microscope, that all I want to do, is relax, and go to sleep. But I can’t, because all you people won’t just shut up and leave me alone already. I already have my luggage stowed, I have my seat back up, I have my electronics off, I’m sitting here doing nothing but diligently listening to you prattle on about stuff that even a second grader already knows, or could figure out in a couple of seconds. All I want you to do is let me relax, read my book, and get some sleep.

I’m tired of being treated like a second grader. I’m tired of the constant annoying announcements, let’s face it, flying in today’s cover your butt regulatory nightmare, just plain sucks.

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