Douglas L Perry, The Author blog

February 19, 2011

Driving Quiz

Filed under: Thoughts — douglaslperry @ 3:28 am
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So let’s say that I’m driving in the left lane of a two lane street, and you are in a car 100 feet ahead on the right, and now, you want to move into my lane. Do you

1) Turn on your blinker, stare blankly back at me, but continue in the right lane until you decide that you have to nearly chop off my front bumper to make your left turn.

2) Turn on your blinker, hit your brakes and turn into my lane and drive 20 mph under the speed limit when your turn is still a half mile away.

3) Smoothly accelerate and nicely merge in front of me, leaving me plenty of room to either slow or move around you when you make your left turn.

Seems like most of the drivers today couldn’t count past two.

February 14, 2011

Writing Patents

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 4:12 am
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I’ve been meaning to write a post about my trip to the Philippines, but patents have been taking all my time recently. If you check my youtube channel, I do have a few videos of traffic and some of the crazy things I saw, but no time to post up some of the best of 600+ pictures that I took.

Most of them are of the wedding I attended, but there were a number of Baguio, and Tagaytay, two interesting places that I visited besides Manila.

 

November 18, 2010

I want to Quit

Filed under: Books,Writing — douglaslperry @ 9:32 pm
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Go check out my latest post on Adventures in Creative Writing here

in which I discuss my latest rejection and what I am going to do about it.

 

 

November 2, 2010

Started on the next novel

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 3:54 am
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I have finally started on the next novel. I decided to use two of my old characters in sort of a continuation from where they left off, but with an entirely new premise. The premise involves gaming technology once again, though this one has quite a different twist.

I have a working title, but we’ll see if it lasts.

It will probably take a year to finish it, but that’s OK. I am still querying the last one.

October 28, 2010

Sales Projections, Yuck

Filed under: Thoughts — douglaslperry @ 7:45 pm
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My writing has slowed lately because I’m trying to start a new company. So instead of writing fiction, I’ve been writing business plans, which I guess could be considered fiction as well, but definitely not as enjoyable to the average reader.

It’s amazing how much work goes into a good plan, but it’s also understandable. If you are an investor about to put some of your hard earned money into a new company, you want to make sure they have thought things through, otherwise, you might as well toss your money into the street.

Coming up with the idea, and how to implement it seems to come easy to me. I love to understand how things are put together and see how I can make them better, or come up with a new idea based on something I have seen.

What’s really hard for me, is to come up with realistic sales projections. It’s not that I don’t care about it, it’s that I haven’t really been on that side of the business in a consumer oriented product. Most of my sales and support experience has been on products where there is a clear technological advantage, so the sales process comes down to, “Do you want 10 or 50?”.

I’ve been told that I need to find a marketing person who has worked in the consumer space, and tap into their experience. Sounds like good advice, now I need to figure out where to dig one up.

 

September 3, 2010

Lunchroom Posters

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 11:16 pm
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I crack up everytime I see one of them in a lunchroom of a company. I mean, who reads those things?

You’ve seen them. They say stuff like “watch where you’re going while traveling up or down staircases”, or “wear appropriate shoes for the type of job you do”, or “There are five classes of fire”.

OK…. the first couple sound pretty much like common sense to me.

And for the third one, I’m not quite sure what good does it do me to know that whether a grease fire is a class K, while a fire in a refrigerator is a class C. If there’s a fire, I’m pretty much grabbing the local fire extinguisher and squeezing the life out of it while pointing it in the general direction.

And if someone is choking in the cubical next to me, do you really think I’m going to take the time to run to the lunchroom to read the notice on how to do the Heimlich maneuver and run back in time to save my neighbor. Either I’ve been trained to do it and can immediately apply it, or I can call 911 and hope for the best. Any other solution is pretty much pointless.

So why are companies required to have these notices in their lunchrooms?

Pretty much to cover their asses if something bad happens to one of their employees.

Company spokesperson: “We’re sorry that Mr Smith choked to death, but we had the proper signage in our lunchroom”

The ideal solution of course would be to have people at the company who are trained to perform the appropriate safety functions, so Mr Smith gets the help he needs right away, but the last thing I would want to see is that “regulated” into being. Companies already have enough anti-business regulations to maintain, they don’t need more.

I’m just saying that the poster basically provides no value other than it allows the HR person to check off a box on a form that the proper signage is located in the proper place. No one reads it, and if an emergency situation happened where someone had to apply a technique from the poster, it’s too late. They don’t have time to figure it out.

August 30, 2010

Snake Puns

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 5:56 pm
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While watching the news this morning, Fox News was making a big deal about the fact that an extremely deadly rattlesnake had escaped from the Atlanta Zoo, even though they had all kinds of safeguards, etc.

Me: Is that what they call a reptile dysfunction?

The wife answered without even cracking a smile.

Wife: I think they have a pill for that.

I’m going to slither away now thank you very much 🙂

August 21, 2010

The kindness of strangers

Filed under: Thoughts — douglaslperry @ 4:12 am
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Saw something really cool on the way home from work tonight. A old yellow Plymouth Duster (I remember when they first came out) was sitting by the side of the road on my commute home. Back in the day it was one of my favorite cars, though I have to admit these days, it’s looking a little old.

As I pulled beside it, the hood was up, and I noticed fire was burning near the left side of the engine compartment. I think at the same time that I saw it, the truck in front of me noticed it as well. He immediately pulled off to the side and headed for the burning car.

I thought about stopping myself, but realized that I didn’t have a fire extinguisher, or even a water bottle in the car, so I wouldn’t be able to do much other than stand around in the way.

As I continued on, another 5 cars behind me pulled off as well, the drivers yanked open their trunks, and came running over with fire extinguishers. It was the coolest thing I’d seen in a long time.

If this had happened in South Dakota when I was growing up, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Things like that while not commonplace, would have happened from time to time. Here in California, this never happens. Usually people are whizzing by on the freeway so fast that they don’t even notice people having trouble on the side of the road.

It was really great to see that kind of caring from people out here as well.

July 28, 2010

What a job

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 4:38 am
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A friend of mine has a friend, who writes software. Not your garden variety software, this software is used as the platform to display a lot of porn on the internet. That’s a little different, but that friend has another friend who works at the same company doing quality assurance. His job, if you can believe it, is to look at porn sites all day to make sure they are working properly. That’s pretty weird if you ask me.

I know some guys would love that job, but not me. If I was forced to, I might last a few hours, but then it would get ugly. Not the women necessarily, but I’d get sick of it pretty darn quick.

The software company gets a new benefits plan, and an HR coordinator visits to discuss their benefits. She goes through the standard pitch on the medical plan, the dental plan, the vision plan and moves onto workplace etiquette. She describes abusive situations, things that you are not allowed to do in the office, and finally moves on to computer screens. She describes the things that you can and cannot have on your computer screens, for instance, pornography.

Apparently, no one filled her in as to what the company does.

June 3, 2010

Airline Annoyance

Filed under: Thoughts,Writing — douglaslperry @ 11:44 pm
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Is it just me? or are airlines bugging the heck out of you on every flight these days?

I just came back from a visit to my brother and I don’t think I’ve ever been as annoyed by constant stupid airline announcements. It wasn’t just that there seemed to be way more of them, it was also the tone.

It’s gotten to the point where the flight attendants treat you as if you were still in second grade.

“Put your bag under the seat.” she glares down at you  “No, push it in farther.” she says in a tone that implies if you don’t, you’re going to the principals office.

“All electronics need to be turned off, right now. That means iPods, laptops, cellphones, headphones, anything with an on and off switch.”

Well Duh, I think I know what constitutes an electronic device, though I’m not believing the whole “it’s to prevent electronic interference” thing. The amount of power that a dinky little ipod generates is so minimal that even if everyone on the plane has one going, it’s not going to affect the flight instruments. Otherwise, why would they let you turn them on once at altitude. They just want to have control over you so that they can “have your complete and undivided attention” while they drill the safety information that you’ve already seen nine million times.

I know they have to do this because some dipshit lawyer probably sued the airlines years ago for not fully briefing some passenger on the safety aspects of the airplane, the idiot got hurt because they did something stupid, and here we are, suffering through the monotonous drone.

I have a solution. I think that before you get on the airplane, and you are checking in on one of those little computer terminals, they should show you the safety features of the plane on the screen. If you hit the OK button that you get it, voila, they let you on the plane. If you don’t, you get to keep going until you do. If you can’t answer the questions right, then you don’t get on the plane. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than the current system where the flight attendants have no clue if you understand or not. Their only indication is if they don’t think you look like you’re listening, they walk over, and glare down at you with stink eye until you smile up at them like a school kid. But I’m sure, that given the current environment, that system would somehow be viewed as discriminatory against stupid people or something.

But just think, once you’ve answered the safety briefing correctly a few times in the last few months, they don’t show it to you the next time. You already know it. You’re good to go. Those that fly a lot, never have to sit through it again.

But no, instead, once the flight attendants finally get through their drill, and give you three more warnings that electronics need to be off, then it’s on to discussing your seat back, then your tray table, then how you need to be paying attention to them, then you have to read the safety information card, and after all of that, the captain comes on and starts talking.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to hear the captain talk, as long as if it sounds like he knows what he’s doing, but if he’s not quite sure where we are going, maybe I wanna be on a different flight.

See the problem is, what I really want to do, is forget about the fact that I’m on an airline flight. It’s such a pain in the butt to get through the traffic, park the car, suffer through rude ticketing agents and annoying TSA people who seem to look at you as if you were a microbe under a giant microscope, that all I want to do, is relax, and go to sleep. But I can’t, because all you people won’t just shut up and leave me alone already. I already have my luggage stowed, I have my seat back up, I have my electronics off, I’m sitting here doing nothing but diligently listening to you prattle on about stuff that even a second grader already knows, or could figure out in a couple of seconds. All I want you to do is let me relax, read my book, and get some sleep.

I’m tired of being treated like a second grader. I’m tired of the constant annoying announcements, let’s face it, flying in today’s cover your butt regulatory nightmare, just plain sucks.

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